what do i want?

As I lay in my bed and count down the minutes til 25 years of life, I reflect on things I have been through both good and bad. I think about the people I have in my life now and the people I have had in my life in the past. I think about how for 25 years I have been searching for pure happiness. I am not depressed and I have my happy days, but everyday is not happy. I realize some decisions I have made may not have been the best decisions to make, but they are made and I cannot live in the past. I am questioning the reason behind why I make some moves in life. I feel so lonely sometimes and sometimes I feel as if I like the feeling of loneliness and other times I don't. Too much of a person pushes me away, not enough of a person pushes me away. I am confused and as I step into this new chapter in life I wonder if things would get better. Many people often say "things get better with time and age". Is that a true statement? I constantly see people that I grew up with whom were a tad bit older than I face the same struggles and pains they were facing before they hit a quarter of a century.

There is so much on my mind right now that I want to get out, but I feel revealing it in this blog would be inappropriate and unacceptable so I will move on with the current thoughts. I am grateful that my Rooommmiee Toommmiee and Jaimeee Waimeee got me a journal with beads from India all over the cover so I could write and write and write when I dont have my computer near, I would still be able to record my thoughts! At this moment right now good things and some not so good things are in my head. Woooo Sahhh :(

Lots of plans this weekend. The weather is so scary and I am constantly praying for my family, for my community, and for the world as a whole. There are so many things going on in the beginning of this new year. We are having major natural disasters which are leaving many confused and afraid of what is next. No one can predict what may happen next. I'm just kinda irritated and it's really sad because it's not regarding anything major just thinking about some things that were said and some statements that I made.

I didnt have a new years resolution for 2010, but for age 25 I want to live this year with no regrets, take risks, and just go for the things that I want while trying not to hurt others in the process!

Goodnight and Happy Birthday to me!